Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ranting

I apologize for the long absence. A lot of things have happened since I last posted...I hardly know where to start. First of all, things have gone downhill in a general sense. I lost my job this week due to an extended period of illness which caused me to sleep like a brick...through several work shifts. Waking up at 6:00pm when you are supposed to work at 5 is a bitch. So now I have no money, and potentially no house since I won't be able to pay bills unless I turn another job around very quickly. I have the rest of the month to figure things out. There aren't many available jobs in my area, so I may have to move to my parents new house in the next town over. It's further away from most of my friends than I would like, but it's actually closer to Damian (who is now back at his parents house again...long story) and my close friend Christine. Yet the thought of living with my parents again is both humiliating and comforting at the same time. No, not comforting. Familiar. After all...it was under my parents rule I first began this blog and all the thoughts associated with it.

The strongest thought on my mind right now is Damian. I wasn't kidding when I said that boy would be the death of me while I can't live without him. I feel like I spend a ridiculous amount of time seeking him out to spend time with him, and being utterly miserable while he ignores me. Sometimes, rarely, I can get him alone and he kisses me gently and says he loves me too. Then, all too quickly, he's gone again. The beautiful beginning is like a quickly fading dream, and I don't know how to retrieve it.

There's always the obvious...be skinnier.

3 comments:

  1. It is a good thing you have found Damian.
    Your posts regardless of the circumstances are a lot happier and free now.

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  2. sorry about losing your job, i hope you find a new one quick.

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  3. good luck with everything. i'm still here if you ever need to talk. things do sound like their going better than before though. i agree with gypsy. despite the new drama, you do sound happier. and definately free-er. :)

    xoxoNikkioxox

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