Brett is awesome. I haven't given him nearly enough face time on this blog, but I need to make this clear, and make him known.
6'2" and something pounds of fantastic, he is the insufferable arrogant bastard who you can't get enough of. He is the most cheerful and sweet guy who is insulting you continuously in his head. "Oh you're taking art classes here?" That's great, well you're a fat bitch who won't get anywhere in life so enjoy those fucking art classes. You won't be able to afford them for much longer. Nobody likes fat people. Hehe.
That's one of the great parts about Brett. He insistently declares that fat people aren't real people. Like, really fat, obese, "three double cheeseburger" people who have no excuse for their fatness. "It's a glandular problem!" No, the 8-layer burrito in front of you and your total lack of self-control are the problems. Don't give me that bullshit. Control your damn insticts. That's what makes you a worthwhile human being.
And he's my best friend. :)
Some of the best days of my life find me chilling with Brett in his car, a beat-up blue Ford we deemed The Hooptie. We roll the windows down and smoke cigarettes, complaining about how fat we are while laughing at life in general. We both worship the goddess Casey, and he and Damian are like brothers. All together we make a fun group.
We often like to describe Brett as a god. We even took a picture of Brett and Damian sitting together on a bench, sharing a smoke, Damian sporting black from head to toe plus his usual trenchcoat and steel-toed boots. In direct contrast, Brett is chilling in a white Express shirt and pants, white leather loafers, and Armani sunglasses. He quite literally glowed. So altogether we have the goddess, the god, the devil, and what am I exactly? Some sort of fallen angel I guess. I like to be a good person, and yet we all know I have an evil mind. ;)
By the way, Brett's homeless. Lives in his car. (What? I KNOW!)
I have such an epic life. I love these people!
He's also incredibly funny. I've had abdominal pains that last for days from the shit that comes out of his mouth. "So this one time, I'd almost just crashed the yacht..." WHAT? And even better, that's not even the story. It's the opening line, and remains barely connected to the story itself.
We're also a very trippy pair on the occasional usage of drugs. Ever done acid? That's one thing. I'm sure you had fun. Ever done acid with Brett? Probably not. I have. It's 10 times BETTER. "Brett, Brett, where are we? Tell me?" I cling to his sweatsoaked button-down shirt while we stand on a balcony in 40 degree weather after a rave, not cold in the least. Brett looks down, calmly, holding me gently. "Everywhere."
I ruin the moment. "NO! No seriously, like, where are we??"
He pauses, slightly confused. "...anywhere...?"
"NO! Where ARE we Brett?!"
His voice deepens. "We're on a boat."
I died laughing.
He's also really deep. I'm trying to get him to start a blog, and if I do, I command all of you to read it. He's one of the best poets and philosophical thinkers I know. I can be dead tired, chilling in his passenger's seat at 4am, and then he starts to quote some of the things he's written. I can't tear my mind away. I can't stop listening. When I listen to him talk that way, I feel like I can do anything. If he told me to try flying by jumping off a building (not that he would...I mean unless I REALLY pissed him off...or if there was a pool below us...) I would probably do it.
He's also the best friend I've ever had. Sure, I annoy the hell out of him sometimes. I am slightly ditzy at times. But in the end if I'm crying over another fight with Damian or whatever, he rubs my back and softly tells me all the right things to make me feel better. Not empty things like "it'll all be okay," but useful things. He offers real solutions. And the backrub helps too. ;)
We make a good needy pair. He can come to me and say, "I'm lonely. Pet my hair." Which he does on occasion. I have no problem doing it. And he pets mine in return. He's actually doing it right now as I write this. Ahhh....
That feels nice.
Anyways, so that's the introduction to Brett. You'll hear much more about him from now on. Brett quotes are my favorite. And hopefully you'll be hearing from him, in his own blog if he decides to start one. Either way, you now have enough backstory to understand why Brett says the things he does. Like, "why would someone say that?" Because it's Brett. Hehe.
P.s. Today's calorie count: 290